Thursday, March 19, 2009

I Smell Like A Fruit Salad

The thing about staying at my folks, and being a guy is, I take a shower, I use the soap and I get out, done deal.
Oh No, not tonight.
I got douched with diesel real good today and I went and jumped in the shower and the soap wasn't quite cutting it, what little hair I have left was not giving it up.
Unfortunately for me, I can't see a fucking thing without my glasses on .
So I get in the hot shower and find out the soap ain't quite cutting it and look in front of me and see all these bottles of shit and squeeze tubes and who knows what the hell any of this stuff is, fifteen different offerings, I counted them later because I couldn't believe how many were there.
So, being a guy, I start at the top and start opening these unfamiliar objects and start doing the smell test. Smells like watermellon or apple or strawberry, I should be OK.
If not, put it back.
I don't give a shit if it is conditioner, it has heavy duty grease cutters in it,they just smell better than Brake Clean.
So. I dabble here and there, blind as a fucking bat, but when I get done, I feel...... kinda icky, but better. At least I am clean.

I definitely smell better. My feets were stinking pretty good, toxic sock syndrome kinda thing.
So I get out, dry off, notice how freakin' pretty I smell and grab my glasses.

Uh Oh.
I see I have been swabbing in some kind of Sea Weed shit, skin conditioner and skin scrubber shit.
Hey, my bald head is shining like a new dollar.

I really don't want to know what the other twelve things are supposed to be for.

I will be buying some John Wayne ,hard core, skin stripping soap first thing tomorrow.
80 grit.

8 comments:

  1. Bwaaaa haha hhaha haha

    gasp

    bwah hahhhaha ha hahaha,


    thanks dude, I needed that

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  2. no fucking spew warning dood (setting glare to stun)

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  3. *waves hands wildly* omfg! fruit flies all over the place! Busted, one of those tubes was Banana-O-Rama. And yanno, time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana!

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  4. Busted's dabbling in that metrosex-u-haul biznezz? Holy sparrow fart, that world's coming to an end right in front of us.

    ;>)

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  5. THAT is fucking funny shit! I recall being soaked to the skin including my black liner Carhartts with hydraulic oil. I bet you DID smell PURDY! LOL@knux!

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  6. Oh yea. I wasworking on a tug/barge in Good News Bay, Alaska. Lotsa GO-JO on board.

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  7. Ha ha! That was fuckin' hilarious! And go with 50 grit. If yer skin ain't beet red and raw, ya ain't clean yet....

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  8. I found out the hard way that Preparation H is great for wrinkles.

    Also, Simichrome don't work on 'roids.

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