Saturday, March 24, 2012

Ya Gotta Love Modern Technology

You can stagger around after waking up too early in the fucking morning and flip a switch and have an instant, beautiful gas fireplace come on with the fake logs and can't even light a fucking cigarette with the fucking thing because it is behind a plate of glass and your lighter is somewhere in the bedroom so you have to go slam the toaster down like yer mom taught ya forty fucking years ago.

Who are these nanny cocksuckers and where are they so I can cock punch the stupid mother fuckers?

Oh, sure, it's for my safety.

I am positive it is the same bunch of fucking tight asses who won't allow beer commercials to let anyone actually drink fucking beer, because beer is bad for me and I have to wear seat belts, my kids have to wear helmets to ride their bikes or skate boards and god Forbid I don't put my garbage can five feet away from the recycling bin at precisely seven AM on Thursday morning, I even got a note for that shit.

Nanny needs a good stomp in the crotch.

Update, oh FUCK ME I forgot about the cigarettes that go dead now because some fuck head burned his house down and now the fucking cock suckers go out.
Smooth move motherfuckers, try sticking a half smoked cigarette in a fucking toaster some time.
I'm sure there will be a law against that in the works next week.

Now I am lacing up my steel toe'd boots that I have to wear at work and I am coming for your Nancy asses with my safety glasses on and a work permit signed in triplicate.


  1. Dude, if itte's your own goddamn fake fireplace, then can't you take offe the motherfucken glass?

    1. Mom would have a heart attack.
      Gotta find our own place here in the next couple of months.

      Just house sitting currently but damn, nice to see ya stop by.

  2. Yeah, ain't it the shits? I remember back in the day, ridin' my old '41 Indian, no helmet, no leathers, wind in my eyes 'cause I was only wearin' sunglasses. Then I saw a fellow-traveler who dumped his Triumph doin' about 90. Sold the bike the following week. Figured I was too stupid to survive. But it was my own decision, dammit.

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  4. If you want to keep the fucker burning, put it on the edge of the counter. If you put it into the ashtray it will go out. If you don't pull on it every 9.6 seconds, it goes out. On the edge of a counter though...not so much.

  5. Folks always asking me why I wear all that protective shit when riding motor bikes. Cuz I've crashed before ! Lot's lol
    Yet I agree, It's your fucking body. Screw it up however ya want...

  6. OMG! Best laugh I had all week. Thanks!

  7. Anonymous8:09 PM

    Hey Knucks,Last year I got me a Tops rolling machine (the crank kind)for forty bucks,and now i rolls my own for about nine bucks a cartoon.And the best part is they don't go out til you put em out.Just sayin'.

  8. Busted, me and mine are now 10 years and more quit smoking.

    So we don't HAVE them issues you do.

    We also don't spend that money.

    N we MIGHT prolong our lives a bit.

    A cig that goes out is well, minor, dude . . . but if you INSIST on smoking, that shit will continue till your bp goes up from unlit cigs n blows yer heart up.

    Just sayin . . . oh, n buy the Ford Ranchero, hoss.

    Do yerself a favor (ps love the home rolled thang, if I smoked still I'd definitely be doing that to save money).

    Course if ya took MY advice, I'd have less to read about and LMFAO about, too . . . ;-)

    Calls 'em like you see's 'em, Blue!!!

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