Thursday, December 03, 2009

Kerosene Lanterns Suck Ass

I managed to pop a couple of fuses in the Weasel Den tonight and wound up getting the little kerosene lanterns out.
A fucking candle would have been just as effective.

These things are fucking dangerous.
Try filling one of these little bastards up by the light of another one some time.
When it gets full?
Yeah, shit flows all over the table, next to an open flame. Want some more light out of the damn thing? It can do that, if you are prepared to chew on a constant stream of black, nasty assed smoke that comes out of the chimney.
I now have a dish rag that I could lite up and send a distress signal half way across town. While I was messing around in the dark with these damn things, I managed to get the LITTLE, TINY, light over the stove to come on. This is the light in your fucking glove box. That sonofabitch put out more damn light than FOUR of the Hurricane lanterns I had lit up!

The Hurricane lanterns are about fucking useless, unless you hang them by your ankles to keep you from tripping on shit while you try to find a light.

It's no wonder people couldn't read back in the Nineteenth Century.

In an actual emergency, I would tell you that these things are more likely to start a house fire or kill you with the soot and Carbon Monoxide as they are to do ya a bit of good.

Just my opinion but it was a real eye opener.

25 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:49 AM

    You fucking dumbass no wonder you couldnt use the lanterns they were designed for an 8 year old

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  2. Uh, Busted, get some fuckin propane lanterns.

    Or pump up white gas lanterns.

    N a few gas cannisters to go with them.

    Loose kerosene is fine for the backwoods, if yer nuckin futz. But not so kewl, as you now know, for the domestic bliss.

    Geebuz.

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  3. battery operated camping lights, iirc coleman makes em. they take 4 d batts and put out good light. used mine frequently when living on the mt -- power went out i turned it on and then went around lighting candles and turning on the battery powered boom box. more than enough light to read by

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  4. Haven't decided whether this is funny or just sad.

    In 21st century, with LED technology available in crank generated lighting, WTF are you doing messing around with kerosene lamps?

    Kerosene lamps are NOT survival gear, they are extinction WMDs.
    Handy only as Molotov cocktails.

    Time to rethink your planning process.

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  5. Anonymous5:47 AM

    For walking around with fire, a Bug light might be in order. Old school stuff. Get an empty can and remove bottom so you have a tube. Cut hole in wall to insert candle (will have to be pushed up as candle burns). Cut two holes on opposite edges so that you can tie string between the two ends, long enough to suspend from hand to about a foot off ground - say 24" more or less. Candle light near your feet, very handy for walking around the woods.

    I agree that the Dietz type hurricane lanterns don't throw a lot of light, but compared to dark, enough. Agree with LED head lamp - with rechargeable batteries, worth the cost in spades. You can get lamp and batteries at reasonable prices, battery recharger isn't a big expense either.

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  6. I haven't any advice, I don't think you really need it. Please keep doing what you're doing. Love it. I laughed. A lot. Have to. The alternative is to cry for our beloved country. It's people like you who make it great. My blog is silly-ass stuff compared to yours, but we all have our role. You are doing yours beautifully. Thanks.

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  7. Ornery,
    Having lived off grid for the last 25 years I could probably write a book on the practical use of kerosine lamps.
    For 5 years before our current solar electric system we use 12 lamps to light the homestead. Ten wall mounted and two table models.
    In the winter months they would have to be filled and wicks cut daily.
    Yes, it was a pain in the ass but I always schruged it off a small price for freedom, (Fuck the power companys).
    As for the smoke you were gettin' from them, you were burnin' more wick than fuel. If those were brand new wicks you should have briefly soaked the lit end in kerosine after cutting an approximate 22 1/2 degree taper to it's burning edge.
    These new LED battery lamps are definitly far superior to kerosine.
    If you or any of your readers would like some first hand knowlage on these old oil burners feel free to email me at..
    damnfedup@yahoo.com
    I'm always willing to help those who want to tell the system to "Go fuck themselves"!

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  8. Anonymous1:51 PM

    The new LED flashlights are out at sale prices for Christmas stocking stuffers at hardware and home improvement stores. I'd also suggest the crank type that comes with a radio and cell phone charger built in. Safe, bright, convenient, and you can listen to NPR with all us liberals. You will still be able to curse the darkness, since the flashlight and the radio operate independently. There is a certain amount of "off the grid" self-righteousness to indulge in, too. And for old times' sake, imagine your crank light is one of the old "Tucker Telephones" used in prisons for torture and gratify yourself with images of one hooked to Gingrich! You'll have it cranked up to full charge in no time, and fun on the way!

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  9. tsisageya2:56 PM

    Early to be, early to rise.

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  10. My oil lamps put out plenty of light. Not like 100 watt bulbs, but enough for me. And they work when the bulbs do not...

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  11. tsisageya4:21 PM

    Have I mentioned here that I like it when the power goes out? It seems so quiet and peaceful. Of course, I am not living in a GWOT war zone right now.

    Iraq is having problems with their electricity now, too, or so I hear.

    We don't actually hear much about Iraq anymore but I heard that they don't have good water either. Orphaned kids live on the streets now.

    Do you think that's all true? I even read today that Palestine is not that bad. Propaganda?

    I never know what to believe.

    American Indians? I want to live there. Anywhere.

    Aren't you glad we're not married Busted?

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  12. Get one of these. Just do it. These things are DA BALLS!!


    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0002C9ZUW/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=4237368189&ref=pd_sl_46enweqkzw_b

    eGear's 12-LED Lantern has adjustable brightness control that provides up to 240 hours of light on 1 set of 4 "D" cell batteries. Brightest setting provides up to 40 hours of light. Handy carry handle. Safe for indoor or outdoor use. This lantern is perfect for power outages, emergency lighting, camping or as portable lighting wherever light is needed. Water-resistant case. Weight with batteries is 40 oz, measures 8.8" x 4.5". Runs on 4 "D" cell batteries (not included). Maximum brightness is 42 lumens.

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  13. tsisageya5:27 PM

    Right Abraham. Let's fucking do that.

    Batteries. Let's not ever try to make our white man's eyes see in the motherfucking dark because you don't know how to fucking DO that anymore.

    Evolution works both ways, asshole.

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  14. tsisageya5:51 PM

    Oops.

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  15. I still have that battery operated lantern we talked about giving to Raoul. Also have that desk top computer in the shop you are welcome to use-didn't know you would consider such a thing..... Nice to have friends who got U online again.
    Hope UR feeling good again.
    Pop

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  16. Anonymous9:56 PM

    busted, I dont understand why you didnt light your way with that bulbous booze powered nose?

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  17. If my grandmother were alive I'd send her over to show you how to run those but I think Northwoods covered it nicely.

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  18. tsisageya -- I would say that what you hear about Palestine is probably BS. Those the Israelis aren't murdering, Hamas is. I have a friend who lives in Gaza who needs to go to Egypt for heart surgery and he can't get out. Hamas has his name on a list.

    Unfortunately, life sucks for most of us and then we die.

    Hope you get something more indoor appropriate for when the electricity goes out again, Busted. Breathing those kerosene fumes is very bad for your health. Save them for making your patio scenic in the evenings.

    Happy December, folks.

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  19. tsisageya7:29 PM

    I'm sorry, Abraham. I was on a thing. Forgive me, please.

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  20. tsisageya7:43 PM

    By the way, I really hate it when people equate balls (testicles) with strength and backbone. I also hate it (yes, related) when they turn around and say, PUSSIFIED, or pussy like it's a weak thing. I HATE it when men insult other men by calling them women, or worse---girls. "You run like a girl", "You scream like a girl", "You throw like a girl." Why is it an insult to do something like a woman?

    I'm beginning to think like Twisty at I Blame the Patriarchy. Maybe men really DO hate us. They sure don't seem to respect us.

    (Busted, caution is the rule of the day right now.)

    Oh right, your blog it is.

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  21. Sorry.but...

    LMFAO.

    At least you didn't torch the place dude! ;)

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  22. I have one of those solar/crank-charged flashlights sitting by the front door, and a headlamp in one of the drawers of my camping supply cabinet (yes, I have a cabinet for that!). I grab the solar flashlight, find the headlamp, and I'm pretty much set. I also have a small flashlight that's designed so it can sit on its tail like a candle and a small battery-powered LED "lantern" that's not even as bright as the kerosene hurricane lamps. I have a couple of hurricane lamps but haven't used them since, err, the last time I was in a hurricane and power was off for several days, which would have been, hmm, 1998. Since then, having a lotta batteries on hand has sufficed.

    The big deal about the kerosene hurricane lamps is that they'll burn pretty much anything burnable, such as rendered beef tallow, diesel fuel, paint thinner, etc. in fact probably would even burn alcohol. Just don't put anything explosive like gasoline into them, for obvious reasons.

    And yeah, propane is a *lot* brighter, and I don't recommend white gas for this application because you have to keep pumping the $#%@! thing every fifteen minutes or so as the pressure goes down and the light fades out. Not to mention that propane lasts a lot longer since it's sealed in that bottle. I have both a white gas lantern and a propane lantern. The white gas lantern hasn't been used for a couple of years now, just too big a PITA to deal with.

    - Badtux the Well-lighted Penguin

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  23. For Christmas I got an Energizer Weather Ready LED lantern. It is supposed to run for 500 hours on the medium setting with the 3 D batteries. Very bright and very convenient. Also won't cause a fire.

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