Monday, April 18, 2011

Yo, Eh, Fixer, Gordon,Bob,Get a Load Of This Ignorant Fucking DoucheBag.

,This is just so fucking typical.
 Get the fuck away from me you ignorant sonofabitch, before I open the drawer with all the pretty hammers.

Ya wonder why I am all done with this after thirty fucking years.

If you think for one second that this is a parody, I can absolutely tell you for a fact, I have had quite a few, very short, conversations exactly like this in the past..
 Back in the day, I was just as ignorant about vehicles. I can remember the day someone asked me to hand them a grease gun and I had no Idea what the fuck he was talking about.
I certainly could not afford to pay anyone to fix my broke down fucked up pieces of shit cars that I was buying for a hundred bucks.

Ya wanna know what?
I went and bought Chiltons manuals, bought a ton eighty of beerto pay for badly needed help  and begged some of the best for advice and to borrow a tool here and there.I don't call myself Bustednuckles for any small reason, I learned the fucking hard way. I also went to the school of hard knocks and over the last thirty years spent about eighty fucking grand on tools and roll away tool boxes.
I have seen what lies underneath the skin more than some doctors and bled a lot of of my precious blood,sometimes to excess.

I have worked with  broken arms, wrists, thumbs and ankles.
Doctors some time they think they are pretty smart. When I come in for stitches on my thumb or other digit an you put in three and tell me to go home?
I tell you to put in six because I am going to work in the morning.
This is a true story.

They get pissed off at ya! Excuse the shit out of me, I got a living to make here, and a fucking Snap On payment, every. mother. fucking. week. Oh, by the fucking way, now I gotta pay you too.
At one time, I was paying more for tools than I was for a fucking house payment.
I was damn humble when I needed help and I had been wrenching on things since before I hit puberty.

You come into a shop like the  arrogant cocksucker below and you will be damn lucky the guys from the tow company will show up to pull it out of the lot next week.
Ya see, like you have heard your whole life, it's who ya know.
Shoot, someone parked four damn cars in front of yours and we can't find the keys.
Called in sick today too.

Let me give you a piece of advice you would be wise to pass on to your children;
Don't piss off your mechanic, your doctor, your girlfriend,your carpenter,electrician, plumber  your Mom or your fucking Lawyer. as  a matter of fact, don't be rude to anyone who performs any kind of service for you.
  I will give bonus points to the next person that tips the gas station attendant that stands out in the weather all day and night like you do that big titted bar maid, I do. Been there, done that, in a Blizzard, on Christmas Day.I know, hard to find a big titted bar maid pumping gas in a blizzard on Christmas, you get my point
I have fixed more fucked up shit for free than I can remember, I can also remember shit like this that got you to call a cab than I give a rat fuck about.

 Now, to see what inspired this little rant;

Yeah, right at the end there, I would be showing that fucking dumbass where the chrome muffler bearing fits with the high flow squeegie sharpener.
That and the door, I like my hammers too much to waste them on something like that.
Ignorance and humility will be miles ahead of stupidity and arrogance in my book, every fucking time.

I know of what I speak, ten fucking years at a Lincoln dealer. There are some arrogant mother fuckers in those places.

Sorry, your parts are on back order Maam.


  1. Hi Busted,

    Good rant and a funny YouTube!

    In my experience, nobody ever hesitates to piss off a carpenter. "You want HOW MUCH? I'll do it myself or I'll get my friend's brother to do it. He's unemployed right now." Is he a carpenter? "No, but anybody can do this shit!"


  2. HA! That's funny as hell!

    Here's how one job went for me:

    Idiot: Can you repair the cracks on the bottom of my boat?

    Me: Sure! (I take a look at his notorious piece of shit boat, cracked along the stringers in both sides like they all do). That'll be three thousand bucks.

    Idiot: THREE THOUSAND BUCKS?! I only paid three thousand for the whole fucking boat!

    Me: You got fucked. Have a nice day...

  3. Yup, really pisses me off when some numb nuts pencil pusher bitches how much it costs.
    People ask me all the time how I got all those Snap-On tools. My reply is always, one week at a time for 20 fucking years !
    Most of em have tripled in value since then. Paid a hundred bucks for my 3/8 ths clicker back in the day.

  4. I've never had a customer quite that bad. Heh. That wrench was a prince of patience. I'da thrown him out long before that.

    Never ever fall for letting the customer tell you what's wrong with his rig. If he could diagnose it, he could fix it and wouldn't need me. Just tell me the symptoms and I'll take it from there or don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out.

    There's a sign on my wall:

    We do three kinds of work: GOOD, QUICK, and CHEAP.

    You can have any two.

    QUICK and CHEAP won't be GOOD.

    GOOD and CHEAP won't be QUICK.

    GOOD and QUICK won't be CHEAP.

    Apocryphal tale:

    Guy brings his bike in, says it ain't runnin' right. Mechanic listens to it run for a minute, hits it once with a hammer, fixes it. Says "That'll be twenty bucks."

    Customer says, "Twenty bucks? All ya did was hit it with a hammer!"

    Mechanic, "The twenty bucks is for knowin' where ta hit it."


  5. I was lucky enough to have access to this old fuckers advice and help when I was trying to fix my piece of shit cars in the past. Busted saved my ass more than once when I got in over my head and couldn't afford to buy my way out of my hole.

    Don't let his tough guy act and swearing fool ya, he's got a big heart and the patience of Job.

    What I really stopped by for was to show ya this link though ... "Programmer under oath admits computers rig elections "

  6. You are my new hero...I can't fix shit, but have a deep appreciation for the ones who can-have had my ass saved on more than one occasion. Plus- you included Mom in the 'don't piss off' list.

  7. HEh, loved the post and comments too! You folks are funneh!

    Now to piss all ya off.

    '91 Subaru Loyale wagon.

    Huge voltage drop when cranking, for some 5 years or 35,000 miles. 110,000 total miles.

    When it gets hot from driving, or from sitting in hot sun, it won't crank.

    I've towed it to my wrenches, they can never duplicate will not crank. Cuz it cools off.

    But they have changed out new expensive alternators, starters, twice in two years now. We all know the shelf lives of them thangs is NOT a year.

    There's a fuckin HUGE voltage drop, when cranking it.

    There's a fucking short somewhere . . . doncha think?

    N the shop won't trace the voltage drop with a test lamp/probe.

    Someone tell me how to resolve this one?

  8. More likely a heat-related open than a short. Chevies used to be infamous for that. On them it was the solenoid.

  9. Hey Gordon . . . thanks for a quick reply, ya got my attention.

    SO, heat causes expansion, something expands and voltage don't flow cuz of that?

    I"m not sure how that open is different from a short (is a short from a CLOSED circuit?).

    I'm not a wrench, by any means. I think I;m proving that. LOL

    But heat can cause expansion and that causes an OPEN condition where voltage is flowin, n that causes the voltage flow to drop.

    N somehow this causes the fucker to not crank over?

    Where do I tell the shop to look?

    What do I tell them to look for?

    I'd pay ya, but I'm unemployed. For a long time now.

    I'd send ya some home grown herbs n pesto, but that's illegal, too.

    Uh, Herbs as in basil, basil, sage, oregano, thyme n more. I'm a fiend of them. Not the smokable herb. *G*

    But I will commit to paying it forward . . . thanks hoss.

  10. Hey Gordon, more thoughts on my part provoked by yer comment.

    I should tell ya that even when it DOES crank over, the voltage meter in the dash drops hugely.

    Regardless of temps or running times n heat of engine.

    It didn't do that early on in this wagon's life.

    So ONE fact dominates this whole clusterphuck.

    There's a huge voltage drop in the system when cranking.

    N that's just not right.

    Thanks again for yer thoughts.

  11. Oh, n Busted . . . . great post.

    Yer last line had/has me LMAO, I know that line.


    Dawg bless ya for yer work, n service for us bozo's during yer life.

    You and folks like you have picked me up more n a few times in my 59 years.


  12. On second thought, the big voltage drop does suggest a short. If it's not blowing any fuses, check for something like the positive battery cable rubbed raw and intermittently touching ground (frame, engine, any metal) somewhere the mechanics can't see it.

    It's possible for corrosion somewhere to cause your symptoms too, I think. Again, I'd start with the battery cables.

    I really shouldn't be giving advice here since I can't get my hands and brain on the problem. Nucks has forgotten more about cars than I know as well.

  13. Heh... the things we learn. I'm not a wrench, so I always defer to the mechanics that I have found to be honest, wicked-smart and detail-oriented. I never pretend to know WTF is wrong, although my wife always bitches at me about how much it costs to get the cars repaired. I just ask her how she feels when people want her to produce custom art pieces on the cheap... then she simply smiles, nods knowingly and tweaks one of my nipples. SHe RULES.

  14. I've been fixing cars since I was barely big enough to haul my dad's toolbox out to the driveway, but when I take my car to a mechanic it's either because a) I know what's the problem and know I damn well am not interested in fixing it either due to lack of skill/lack of time (the two are related, some things, like differential gear setup, require tons of very expensive practice for a long time before you get good at it), or because it requires equipment I don't have, and I pay the mechanic what he wants to fix it or b) I haven't the slightest fucking idea what the problem is, it's got me stumped, I tell the mechanic what it's doing and what I've tried, and pay him whatever he asks to fix it. Either way I'm not going to take a car in that's doing weird shit and tell the mechanic "change the alternator." If it was something that simple, I woulda already tested it and fixed, it, yo!

    And for folks for whom fixing an alternator is as beyond them as changing a pinion bearing is for me, all I gotta say is tell the man what the car's doing. If my ass end is vibrating and growling as I go down the road, I ain't gonna tell the mechanic "change the pinion bearing". Crap, it could be the U-joint or an axle bearing or anything. (Well, not a U-joint, those things are cheap and I'd probably swap it out for a new one just on general principle since I'm running off-angle due to my suspension lift and U-joints don't last like that, but you get the point). I'm gonna tell him my ass end is vibrating and growling as I go down the road, and let him figure out what inside that differential (or outside it, for that matter) is fucked up and needs replacing.

    Anyhow, gone on too long, but you get the point...

    - Badtux the Wrenchin' Penguin

  15. Oh yeah, regarding big voltage drop and the starter not turning, *usually* that's your battery cables corroded up at the battery, or the battery itself just plumb tuckered out. The big voltage drop is 'cause the resistance up there is too high for the amount of current the starter wants to draw. I ain't ever seen an alternator cause a starter not to work, and it's pretty damn easy to test the cable between battery and starter if you got jumper cables -- when the car ain't startin, take your jumper cables and jump'em from the battery positive to the starter positive, if the car then starts, blammo, it's the cable to the starter. If that don't do it, jump the negative the same way to the engine block where the ground strap attaches to it (or any likely bolt), then try again. If *that* does it, well, you got a bad ground.

    Regarding starters, I've never had a starter be the cause of this kinda thing. Just ain't happened. It's possible. Just sayin' that it ain't likely, especially if you already changed out the starter once. When a starter goes it's usually the selenoid, and usually it gets stuck in the open position and you gotta whack it with a hammer to unstick it so it closes. Doesn't sound like your problem.

    Good luck. Electrical shit is always a PITA. And unfortunately, some mechanics just ain't good at it...

  16. What most of us need is a good local guy with an old fashioned gas-pumps-and-2-bays station; one you can go to and say, "Ted," (mine's name is Ted), please change the oil, check 'er over, and fix what needs fixing. I drive it down Route 80 every day and I need a safe car."

    If "Ted" is a mensch (My Ted is), he will put it together that you buy gas from him instead of paying a few cents less on Route 17, you don't make his guys pump gas in the pouring rain unless you stand out there with them, and your checks are always good...and you keep coming back.

    Oh. And send a gift basket at Christmas.