Boy Howdy, did I just have a little experience with Modern Medicine.
I just spent three fucking hours in my doctors office, who I had not seen for five years, so he could spend forty five fucking minutes digging a small cyst out of my neck.
Three Made In Pakistan scalpels, two of the same for the pairs of scissors, and laying face down so I could get a fabulous view of parts of him I never want to see again. Have a nice fucking day, there won't be much pain, and no pain relief prescription, according to him.
Two subcutaneous stitches, five on top, after he re- did three and have a nice day.
Apparently I bled a bit.
He asked me if I took aspirin every day.
I had to bite my tongue and not tell him I try not to get too much blood in my alcohol system.
I can haz Health care?
All for a cyst that was the size of a pea and he don't know what kind it was.
I can sure as fuck haz whiskey to kill the Non existent pain.
Ya know what the really sick part of this whole story is?
If it weren't for the fact that I happened to marry my ex wife at exactly the right time, I would have wound up in some urgent care mother fucker outfit, instead of the old Hippy Dude who got to practice cutting on me, he is a local Doctor and quit taking new patients twenty years ago.
They can never find my records because I don't call 'em except when I think I should go see him.
The farther away I stay from Doctors, the healthier I am, even the nurse said it.
Let me tell ya, I made the guy's day.
It ain't every fucking day a Family Practitioner gets to cut on someone.
Good practice for him, I couldn't feel anything except the pressure but I know from him talking to himself he had a hard time.
I know I have a stiff fucking neck from it being stretched out like a chicken on a chopping block!
Forty Five minutes to get something the size of a large pea out of a neck muscle.
Hey, he got it done., I got to see the offending tissue mass.
He ain't quite sure what to call it but he sent it in and didn't think it was anything evil.
Maybe I will get a discount, maybe I will be calling up tomorrow yelling like a sonofabitch.
Two fucking weeks before the stitches come out.
Fuck me, I work for a living!
Oh yeah, just fer fun, my little girls birthday is today, she is 18,
More bonus, she had a blowout on the POS she drives and side swiped a guardrail the day before yesterday.
Double fucking Bonus, she got in another wreck last night with her boyfriend and broke her knee cap amongst some other trauma.
Triple Bonus, she called to tell me about it finally right when I was laying face down getting my neck cut.
Happy Birthday Baby.