Monday, January 18, 2010

Dayum, I Got Crabs!

As in Dungenness Crabs.

Holy shit, those things are off the charts delicious.
I would take one of those over a fucking King Crab or a Snow Crab in a heart beat.
You poor sonsabitches on the East Coast with those piss poor Blue Crabs and those soft shelled little jokers have no clue.
Dungenness crabs are the shit.
Hard shelled, meaty and more like eating a lobster with many arms, I, myself, the little skinny bastard I am, could eat four of the damn things at one sitting on a good day, three any other day, and these things can weigh up to two frickin' pounds before ya yank the back off and clean out the lungs and such.
Throw in a couple of oyster shooters just for fun and some decent whiskey, I am one happy camper.

All that is missing is a giant bucket of steamer clams with a large bowl full of melted garlic butter and a huge plate full of mussels steamed in white wine, maybe some garlic bread.
Every once in a while I can seriously pig out.


  1. Nobody likes a braggart, Norbert.

    Besides, you obviously haven't had PROPER Southern seafood, straight outta the Gulf and clean-farmed Louisiana catfish. Granted, I've never been anywhere near being able to afford dungeoness crabs or those frou-frou crab-legs (and never wanted to TRY frog legs!), but there's no way in hell that you're going to convince me that they pack more flavor than Louisiana blues, reds, soft-shell or full-grown. And we gots de bestest "shwimps" (local joke/anecdote) ON THE PLANET.

    Stopped eating Lean Cuisine with "shrimp" in it a while back, because those Nestle' Frenchmen WILL ONLY BUY SEAFOOD FROM THE SOUTH CHINA SEA, where there's more pollution than New Jersey's asshole. Coulda done those Continental pricks a whole world of great free press, to pick-up on LA seafood and help our economy recover from Katrina & moronic republicunts, but ohhhh, no.

    Though, I gotta tellya, tonight it's lemon-ginger-butter salmon from Tony's Seafood in Baton Redneck Republicunt Rouge, one of the FEW good things about THAT so-called "city." Not sure if it's farmed or wild-caught, but it's damned good, at any rate.

    If you ever get down this-a-way, I'll take you to Tony's, and I can show you where they grow their endlessly-aerated shop-grown catfish, THE most beautiful, buttery-tender fish flesh you ever saw, smelled or tasted.

    Oh, and the Vietnamese seafood marts/stalls on the West Bank from New Orleans (Jefferson Parish, not Orleans, at least not past the Gretna projects) --- you drive out by Avondale shipyards like you're headed to Thibodeaux (bleck), and right in this gravel lot, there's 20-30 seafood stalls, RIGHT OFF OF THE SHRIMP BOATS, grouper, bass, manta ray, octopus, anything that can be legally caught & harvested from the Gulf (nope, no more red snapper, thanks to K-Paul's stoopid shit!), right there, still gasping for air, they're so fresh!

    And yes, most of the fishermen and women are Vietnamese, legal U.S. citizens who've been here since the fall of Saigon, and they work their ASSES OFF, especially those tiny, mean-assed little women. Quite a few native-born "yats" (another regional dialect thing) as well. But if you've got the gas money to go all the way out to Avondale, honey, it is WORTH IT. Never have taken to ersters or similar bivalves, myself. They look and chew like giant rubbery boogers or necrophiliac labia. Don't want 'em raw, don't like 'em fried, don't want 'em a'TALL. Keep yer clams to yerself, son, bearded or bald. And stop bragging about the whisky, ya bastard, SOME of us STILL CANNA' HA' ANY!!!!!!


  2. Born 65 years ago in Washington state and raised on Dungeness Crab...I agree. I've eaten different species in Maryland and the gulf. Fresh King Crab tastes good but Dungeness does it for me.

    I'm now retired in south Thailand and struggle to eat the small things they call crab here.

    I'll come on holiday in September to Anacortes, Washington and plan on getting a bellyful of Dungeness.


  3. Now I'm hungry. A guy just can't get enough crab that's for damn sure.

  4. Yeah, they're great. But I still prefer doing battle with 100 pounds of seriously pissed off wahoo before I chunk 'em on the grill. Not that I get to do that too much these days...

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  6. I do like crab, and of course down here my favorite fish is Snook. Of course Jack Daniels goes good with anything.

    Damn now I'm hungry.

    See Ya

  7. Back in the day... back when TV was only 4 channels and seatbelts were an option, there was a little group south of my hometown that used to gather once a year for a crab feed.

    It was called the Malott Improvement Club. All they did was get a truck load of Dungeness to the meeting hall with loads of fresh melted butter. People would come from miles around, pay $5 and bring a salad for all the crab you could eat. Beer was 50 cents a cup (bring your own cup if you want) and pop was a quarter (Cragmont for you that remember).

    The Crab Feed was big for years. My dad made it a pilgrimage for most of his adult life.

    The club is gone now, the members all takin' the big dirt nap. The Building is vacant or soon to be converted to floral shop or some shit like that.

    All I can say is that when we went to the Crab Feed there was mass mayhem on those beasties. Hundreds of crab met their maker that day I can tell you!

  8. FUKKEN - A man, anywhere, any time, it don't GET no better than Dungeness crab! I just picked me up a raggedy totalled out old trap and fixed it up. Gonna take it down to the Nahcotta dock and drop er in and pull me out some a dat!