Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Why I Awlays Hated Chevy's

Stupid sonsabitches ran all the hot wires to the whole car from the starter solenoid.
Like you can slide under a 1980 El Camino in a parking lot.

All because of some fucking vacuum cleaner belts that my mom ordered on line over a month ago, called about last week and never fucking showed up.

I crawled under that fucker with a pocket knife and finally got it to turn over untill my face turned blue.
Unfortunately for me, who ever the crankster gangster who had it before me, when "It" put another motor in it, had no idea that the fucking wiring went right by the exhaust manifoold and all those purty fucking wires done turned into burnt spaghetti..
I completely forgot about this issue and I jumped into the fucker afyer a month and it fired right up.
Two miles away, right in front of the Vacuum cleaner joint and three brand new belts that my Mom ordered a month ago and the fucker wouldn't start.

Laying under that bitch and can't get my head under it, I finally jumped across the starter solenoid and flat out ruined a nice little pocket knife, with the key on.
Crank over until the knife gets too hot to hold onto and nothing happens.

The Lovely wife did not know I took the POS and I was damned if I was going to call her about it, she couldn't do a fucking thing anyway.
I called my buddy, had to piss like a ruptured goat and ran to a restaraunt nearby.
They advertised a Happy Hour and when I asked for a beer, the pretty young thing tells me they don't sell any kind of alcohol.

How do you advertise Happy Hour with Coke, Pepsi and  power aide?

Fuck that, ran across the street, had a quick 7and7 and walked out to see my alternate friend go around the corner.
Pushed the fucking Chevy back, hooked up the tow line and off we went.
Got halfway home and while I was in neutral, hit the key and it fired right up.
Had him pull over, got out, unhooked the bastard and got within a half mile of the house when I went around a corner and  bleh, dead again.

Hooked the fucker up again, had him finish dragging my ass home, introduced him to the wife and here we are.
She isn't exactly thrilled, she does have the new belts and my ugly Chevy is siting out in the street.
The neighbors are already beyond themselves with joy that I start my 67 Ford 3/4 quarter ton 4X4 up  at six thirty that wakes their dead ancestors up every  morning. Did I mention that I am living at my parents house and there is a long line of snooty mother fuckers around here?

Heh, life is good.

Thanks fer stopping by.


  1. I rewired all my Chevys to a Ford solenoid on the fender well. Then again, I ran headers, which cooked the Chevy solenoid in short order. Basically it's doing the "knife jump" but still with the key. I know you get the picture.

  2. All too clearly.

    Without laying on the ground,in the rain, with my head wedged up against the frame and frying my arm on the exhaust while doing it by Braille.

  3. I hate to be the one to mention this... but wasn't it you who said he'd always wanted one of these carucks??? heheheh

  4. Verrrry funny honey.

  5. Friends don't let friends drive Chevys.

    And what Craig said.

  6. Thanks for bringing back bad memories of dealing with Chevy wiring disasters. Had to fix a starter issue while stuck at a campground using a piece of copper pipe and a bunch of house wiring.

  7. Found my Chevy two times a ways away from where it was parked. Thought it was some smart ass friends. That's good humor ya know. It wasn't as the second time the solenoid was clicking and turns out to be a short at the switch that actually started the damn thing up.

    On my 90 Astro I'm just about done with - if it does not give me trouble free miles and many of them it will be gone very fast!