I've been waiting.
It is starving, it must feed.
I must welcome the madness, it is eternal.
The flickering filaments of the darkness tease the corners of my eyes,it has been awhile, I did not notice them right away.
The tightness in my chest and throat.
The instantaneous weeping for no reason,lips quivering in morose synchronisity.
The Darkness, everything tinged with black as if looking through bloodshot eyes filled with dead blood.
Do not look at me,it will frighten your soul, you can sense it,fear it.
The children see it and are frightened and cling tight.
Welcome to my inner world, the chaotic existence, the sickness, the madness of chemically imbalanced mood swings.
I hate them.
No warning, something just, changes.
It is called Bi Polar.
So fucking innocuous.Fluffy cakes and ice cream.
Not the vile sledge of my reality.
Sobriety intensifies my perceptions, I am no longer anesthetized, constantly drunk, not caring, inured to my reality, self medicated.
Now I must deal.
I do,in my own way.
I have tried their multitudes of mood elevators, anti depressants, this and that.
I turn into a fucking zombie.
No up. No down.
Just existence. I am here, so what?
Who cares what happens?
Chemical fingers in my ears so I can scream La La La La, I can't hear you to the world.
No.I choose. NO.
I don't like that.
So I deal, actually, I thrive on it, I FEED BACK!
Bring it to me NOW!
Motherfucker, who's yer Daddy.
Tomorrow is another day,it will pass and I will be normal and happy go lucky,
until next time.