Monday, February 01, 2010

This Is Brilliant

A New Emancipation Proclamation.

By the President of the United States of America:

A Proclamation.

I, Barack Obama, President of the United States, by virtue of the power in me vested as Chief Executive and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States in time of war, declare that all corporations within the confines of the United States are legally not persons and have no rights granted them by virtue of their alleged personhood. The rights of corporations are those specified by law and not any of those specified in the US Constitution.

All corporations shall mean each and every corporate entity which meets at least one of the following criteria:

* is headquartered within the territory of the United States;
* does business within the territory of the United States;
* has bank accounts of any kind at any banking institution with a branch within the territory of the United States;
* contributes to any political organization, PAC, political campaign, or other organization which spends money to influence elections or voting within the territory of the United States or of any corporation specified herein;
* owns any real or intellectual property within the territory of the United States or registered with the US Government offices tasked with registering intellectual property;
* owns any portion of any corporate entity described above

By virtue of their incorporeality, all corporations are not persons within the definitions of the Constitution and US Federal Law, and the rights of such corporations shall be limited to those specified by law explicitly describing their effect upon corporate entities and not physical human entities. Constitutional rights do not apply to corporations.

Upon this act, sincerely believed to be an act of justice, warranted by the Constitution, upon military necessity and in defense of our democratic form of government, I invoke the considerate judgment of mankind, and the gracious favor of Almighty God.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this first day of February, in the year of our Lord two thousand and ten, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred thirty-fourth.

By the President: BARACK OBAMA

Brazenly stolen and copied Ver Batem from Evan at Group News Blog.

Awesome and very doable as far as I can see after all the fucking Presidential signing statements Bush threw out.


  1. Anonymous4:17 PM

    "The rights of corporations are those specified by law"

    Which renders said proclamation useless.

    The problem isn't the corporations it's the politicians they own. You know, the ones who write the laws?

    And thanks to SCOTUS it's about to get a whole lot worse because now they'll be able to buy public opinion as well.

  2. me thinks it brilliant!
    Genius I tells ya!

  3. All I can say is don't hold yer breath. Barry is just as beholden to the corporations as the Georges Squared, Slick Willie, and every other el Presidente to come along in the last 100 years....

  4. And the beat goes on.

    See Ya

  5. karen marie6:42 PM

    What a sweetheart you are. Thanks.

  6. PrepperCon8:50 PM

    You're an idiot. If a corporation doesn't have a vote (which they don't) they need some way of gaining representation to the government. So they hire Lobbyists, which is the problem we have had since Lobbyists came about. Now our representatives spend al their time and attention on lobbyists, who return the favor by throwing money at the representatives. The voters get screwed.

    I know you are pissed at corporations, why I have no idea, but where do you think JOBS come from?? Even a Mom & Pop is a corporation. The sooner you guys figure out what it actually takes to be in business, the sooner you'll get over your fixation on corporations being the great satan. They pay taxes, they provide jobs, they do ALL of the work for the government (like collecting taxes and figuring/paying their B&O taxes etc ALL FOR FREE!). If you ever actually worked for a living, I'd bet it would be as a business owner. I know you will spout more uncalled for expletives over this, but you have rights too. Why can't you let a corporation have some rights as well?

  7. Bustednuckles9:48 PM

    You have got to be fucking kidding me.
    Yer calling me an idiot, ya stupid sonofabitch,
    Corporations hire lobbyists because they don't' have a voice in the electoral process? Follow that logic. Fuck no they don't have a voice.
    Follow your own fucking logic and explain to me why McDonalds has any voice in our election of Congressmen and or any fucking representative in our elected government. Lobbyists hand out millions of dollars in PAC monies and simple little fuckers like me get form letters back from my fucking Senators staff when I take the time to correspond with them enunciating my concerns about legislation that i disagree with.
    Go fuck yerself.

  8. Busted I back ya wholeheartedly on that one Bro...