Here is to the three fucking guys on this planet who need a swift kick in the fucking balls.
Number one, the brilliant mother fucker who invented theft proof lug nuts.
Two, the dickhead motherfucker who put them on with an impact gun and least and fucking last, the ignorant dumbass who loses the key, that the dickhead with the impact gun put them on with..
I have dealt with this before but of course, I had to find the aftermath of the dumbass who decide they should never come off again and the stupid fucking dickhead who lost the key, that fits the locking lugnut and the idiots impact gun who tighten a steel lug nut to two million foot pounds into an aluminum wheel.
I just spent two hours trying to get said anti theft lugnut off of a VERY expensive Aluminum wheel with all of my considerable mechanical skill and ended up fucking up the wheel, completely melting the hard to find center cap and using a cutting torch to melt the fucking wheel stud down far enough to yank the wheel off while it was still semi liquid at over fifteen hundred degrees.
This is all so I could get under my car to fix some melted wires going to the starter, that some other ignorant fuck didn't protect from the red hot heat of the exhaust manifold when they swapped engines.
I used a lug nut wrench, a lugnut socket, a ten pound sledge hammer trying to drive the socket on hard enough to break it loose, the torch to get it red hot so I could get a bite into it with an air chisel, for forty five minutes and finally got pissed off and said, you will come off mother fucker.
That's when I went full mental and just cut the fucking thing off with the torch. Problem being, Aluminum wheel melts much easier than steel wheel stud and the smoke from the torch turned half of it soot black.
One down, just to fix the starter.
If and when I get the cocksucker fixed enough to run and drive, there are tire stores that have master keys for these fucking things and I will stop by on my way to get the fucking transmission leak fixed, so I can find out where the fucking oil leak is coming from.
THEN, I will deal with this half black wheel.
And before my buddy who I traded for this thing for has another hissy fit about how he should never done it, dude, I knew this thing was going to be a pain in the ass and I asked for every bit of it.
That does not preclude my privilige of griping like a butt sore monkey about all the fun I am having.
Fucking Chevy.
I need a bigger air compressor.
Shit will start flying then.
They still make lots of Chevy parts, for an apparently good reason.
I am going to thrash on this thing like a left handed, red headed step child, who stutters,with a hairlip.
Then I am going to get the BIG hammer.
I am going to win, you sonofabitch.
Just wait.
By the way, I never even bothered to look at the fucking wires.
After all that fun it was dinner time and yes maam, I was all done for the evening after working all day.
Number one, the brilliant mother fucker who invented theft proof lug nuts.
Two, the dickhead motherfucker who put them on with an impact gun and least and fucking last, the ignorant dumbass who loses the key, that the dickhead with the impact gun put them on with..
I have dealt with this before but of course, I had to find the aftermath of the dumbass who decide they should never come off again and the stupid fucking dickhead who lost the key, that fits the locking lugnut and the idiots impact gun who tighten a steel lug nut to two million foot pounds into an aluminum wheel.
I just spent two hours trying to get said anti theft lugnut off of a VERY expensive Aluminum wheel with all of my considerable mechanical skill and ended up fucking up the wheel, completely melting the hard to find center cap and using a cutting torch to melt the fucking wheel stud down far enough to yank the wheel off while it was still semi liquid at over fifteen hundred degrees.
This is all so I could get under my car to fix some melted wires going to the starter, that some other ignorant fuck didn't protect from the red hot heat of the exhaust manifold when they swapped engines.
I used a lug nut wrench, a lugnut socket, a ten pound sledge hammer trying to drive the socket on hard enough to break it loose, the torch to get it red hot so I could get a bite into it with an air chisel, for forty five minutes and finally got pissed off and said, you will come off mother fucker.
That's when I went full mental and just cut the fucking thing off with the torch. Problem being, Aluminum wheel melts much easier than steel wheel stud and the smoke from the torch turned half of it soot black.
One down, just to fix the starter.
If and when I get the cocksucker fixed enough to run and drive, there are tire stores that have master keys for these fucking things and I will stop by on my way to get the fucking transmission leak fixed, so I can find out where the fucking oil leak is coming from.
THEN, I will deal with this half black wheel.
And before my buddy who I traded for this thing for has another hissy fit about how he should never done it, dude, I knew this thing was going to be a pain in the ass and I asked for every bit of it.
That does not preclude my privilige of griping like a butt sore monkey about all the fun I am having.
Fucking Chevy.
I need a bigger air compressor.
Shit will start flying then.
They still make lots of Chevy parts, for an apparently good reason.
I am going to thrash on this thing like a left handed, red headed step child, who stutters,with a hairlip.
Then I am going to get the BIG hammer.
I am going to win, you sonofabitch.
Just wait.
By the way, I never even bothered to look at the fucking wires.
After all that fun it was dinner time and yes maam, I was all done for the evening after working all day.
Gotta Love It...This is just starting to get good! lmaoooo!!
ReplyDeleteHole saw. Cut the mag around the lug. You still have 4 lugs left and the mag looks ok
ReplyDeleteIf the wheel turned black from the heat, it's annealed and might break. Be careful.
ReplyDeleteTriumph connecting rods would do that if the piston got a hole blown through it from too much spark lead. The rod had to be replaced as it wouldn't last a hundred miles.
Never force anything -use a bigger hammer!
ReplyDeleteHaving fun yet?
Dude:
ReplyDeleteI just got one hyphenated word for you...C-Tran
That way you can better spend your valuable time cozying up with your lovely and talented.
On second thought, your descriptions of labors lost are worth the reading. I do expect this thing to be over at the Dairy Queen soon
Locking lug nuts. There will be a special place in Hell for the guy who invented those. I found out about those when I had a flat. I hadn't noticed them when I bought the car,and the previous owner didn't mention it, or give me a key....
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. The only thing worse is a salt crusty outboard motor and having to torch half a dozen bolts to drop the fucking lower unit. Oh, and the flat rate manual only gives you 30 minutes for salt water when changing out a water pump. That takes care of ONE bolt...
ReplyDeleteCraig, wait until you get the out drive off and have to deal with the bearings on the drive shaft...
ReplyDeleteLots a fucking fun.
I have 100% decreed that no locking lug nut will ever touch my new Jeep. That's after I had to ruin a 15mm socket to get the #$%@! locking lug nuts off my old Jeep (lug nuts put there by the tire store when they put the new wheels on). Luckily I had also previously decreed that if the tire shop used an impact to tighten my lug nuts it was the last they were gonna see of me and they were gonna pay me enough dough to put new wheel studs on to replace the ones they stretched. Do note that wheel studs, at least on my Jeep Wrangler, are a press fit -- a BFH to the frontside will knock them out the backside of the drive ring and another BFH will pop new ones back in from the backside (note that my Wrangler is 4wd so I of course have drive rings front and back). I have a box of Jeep wheel studs and lug nuts in my junk drawer, just in case -- my new Jeep uses the same studs and lug nuts as my old one, so that's good.
ReplyDeleteOf course I'm so goddamn anal that I rotate my own tires anyhow...
And my wheels are steel, so the notion of torching off the @#%$! wheel locks never passed through my mind, but I definitely did get tempted big time to pull out the angle grinder and cut those suckers in half... only the fact that the lug nuts were offset so deep into the face of the wheel headed that one off, couldn't get the angle grinder in there to do the dirty work :).
-Badtux the Wrenchin' Penguin
For future reference, pilot drill the lugnut and wheel stud with a good 1/8" drill bit 2" - 3" deep. Then follow through with a drill bit the size of the wheel stud. Then whack it real hard with a BFH (could stick a drift pin in the hole to make it easier to hit). When I was in the shop I was taking them off a couple times a week. Can't kill a Porsche or Jag wheel for a locking lug.
ReplyDelete