Saturday, October 01, 2011

And So It Begins

You know, that marriage thing.

It's been over a month now and we are having our first real disagreement.
Right off the bat, let me tell you she is absolutely right.

That, however, does not deter me

I can be a stubborn sonofabitch.

As you who stop by already know, I have been putting serious miles on my old Ford F-150, about 1500 miles a month the past few months and the damn thing only gets 15 miles a gallon.
I have a great friend who occasionally goes to car auctions and gets vehicles pretty damn reasonable so I told him I wanted some little beater with a four banger and a five speed so I wasn't getting killed on gas.

Months go by and lo and behold he calls me yesterday and tells me he has a 1990 ford Ranger that qualifies.
It ain't pretty, one door has a big dent in it and he has an early 80;s El Camino too.

Both are painted flat black primer.
I drove the Ford and it has some issues but it is a runner.

Me and him go back a long ways and cash usually isn't an issue, shit, I owed him eighty bucks for seven months and never heard a word.
I had a riding mower given to me, I gave him that and a Moped and all is good.

Anyways, we are at the folks today, helping them pack up and move a bunch of stuff into the garage before they leave and we move in and my Pal shows up with the El Camino.

It ain't real pretty but it runs good and it ain't completely beat to shit.

Disclaimer, I have been a Ford guy for many years now but I have also owned two El Camino's back in the day and loved both of 'em. A 71 and a 67, the 67 was my favorite but it had a straight six and three on the tree, something a kid under forty wouldn't have a fucking clue how to drive.

Anaway's, again, back to the current dilema, I want that Chevy now, after bitching about fuel mileage for months.
My commute is only ten fucking minutes now but the wife is throwing a fit about the gas mileage on it.

Yes, it has a four barrel carb, I made sure of that on the test drive down a residential street before I even opened the hood.

It also has a hard top over the bed and a built in water leak better known as a Sun Roof.

There are a bunch of wires hanging under the dash and no stereo but I was an automotive electrical specialist for ten years and that doesn't phase me.

My pal Steve will throw in a radio, I will trade him the old F-150 and we will make a deal.

Unfortunately, the wife seems to think this is a bad idea and she is just as fucking stubborn as I am, if not worse.

I might not get any nookie for a while but I am going to get that El Camino.

A guy has to do what he has to do.
I am keeping The Beast, my 67 Ford Highboy 4 wheel drive.
It's ugly too, paint doesn't make something like that run better or get better mileage.
9 MPG, uphill, downhill, loaded or empty, I keep it around for the nasty winters we get around here.

Do ya know anyone with too much money and not enough sense?
I have a 1964 Austin Healey Sprite for sale now. Apparently I am currently limited to two toys at this time.

2 door convertible 1275 engine bored out .040 over with less than 2000 miles , rebuilt trans, all steel tilt front end, not stock, as a matter of fact, I can think of only one bolt that I haven't taken off this car.

No interior, has a roll bar and is turn key.

She is going to pitch a fit but there is a reason I call myself the Ornery Bastard.

Any prayers for my continued safety would be greatly appreciated.

I can see sleeping with one eye open for a while is in my future.


  1. Mr Knuckles, I do wish I could buy your Sprite. My first car was a '60 Sprite. Sadly I would more easily fit in the bed of your truck than in a Sprite these days. I hope you find it a good home.

  2. Dude! What are you thinking?

  3. Montag, my Dad had a '60 Bud Eye Sprite.

    They used to stuff my baby seat between the seats and go Motorcrossing.
    He raced it for many years and I am still butt hurt that he sold it when I was 11.
    I still have the original Hubcaps from that car.

    Six Bears, It is what it is, the Ford got Insurance totalled after I hit some Black Ice going to see the then girlfriend a couple years ago and crushed the right rear corner hard.Actually, by the time I got spit back into the road after backing into a van I was trying to pass at forty miles an hour and hitting a gaurd rail backwards, I had hit all four corners,
    The drivers door has a gap of a half inch at the top on both sides and it is due for some serious tune up work again.
    It has 217 thousand miles on it now.

    I am not just trying to piss off the wife for fun but she knows me all too well.

    Thanks to both of you for stopping by.

  4. Whew, that was just too technical for me to process. I know what all the words are, but strung together with no breathing is more than I can handle. Whatever has all the space over the doors needs to go. Wires hanging out? Fix them before you buy it. I would rather have a car run well rather than be pretty, but there is a limit to the insanity of horrid cars that I can handle. Don't look to me for support...lo.. I agree with her even though I have no idea what all the issues are!

  5. Mrs. Ornery Bastard9:33 PM

    My darling husband, you know I love you with all my heart. That being said, you my dear are being a pig headed ass! I have no problem with you having your toys but, I thought we decided we needed to get you something more gas economical. That thing will get no better gas mileage than your truck if not worse. I know you're not driving as far to work anymore but, it will still add up. And we need to be saving money wherever we can to get our own place. I'm not going to tell you what to do, you're going to do what you want anyway but, I would like to be at least considered in this decision instead of you just saying I'm getting it end of story. And you know that I will not be withholding nookie from you because I like it too much. So it's a win win for you ya fuckin ornery bastard.

  6. ROFL!

    You know how to pick'em, Ornery :).

    That said, you do have at least *one* reliable, economical vehicle, right? 'Cause one thing is for sure, General Motors crap from the 60's ain't reliable by any definition of the word that's in my dictionary. Especially when the damn thing is a project car with bad wiring. It's gonna end up like a dude I went Jeeping with whose 1974 Jeep suddenly stopped and pulled over to the side of the road. I turned around and went back just as he opened up the hood, and the motherfucker was ON FIRE! The main power cable that went through the firewall had frayed and somehow caught the firewall material on fire (is that why they call it a "firewall"? Heh!). So anyhow, we disconnected the battery and squirted everything down with our fire extinguishers and then hooked his heap to the back of my heap with a tow strap and hauled his old pile home, and then everybody in the campground scrounged up spare wire until we could get him back up and going again. But anyhow, this was the *THIRD* time he'd broke down that trip, the first time, his water pump quit, we found him a water pump from a 1991 Grand Cherokee that would fit and got him going, then the second time, his electric fuel pump quit, we ended up re-plumbing his fuel lines back through the original mechanical fuel pump again (which he'd bypassed in favor of an aftermarket electric pump 'cause it was low on pressure and getting a new mechanical fuel pump for an old AMC V8 ain't so easy). A beater that age just ain't reliable, period.

    One suggestion if you're intent on buying the damn thing -- get the biggest, fattest fire extinguisher you can find at your local Big Box Hardware Store, 'cause you're likely to need it if the thing's got wirin' hangin' down under the dash. Just sayin'.

    - Badtux the Wrenchin' Penguin

  7. Mrs. Ornery Bastard11:16 PM

    Oh and just so you know, if you get to decide, without me, to get this damn thing, then I get to decide, without you, that the money for the gas is going to come from your liquor and poker money! Bite me!

  8. Oh yeah, one last thing: Early 80's GM? Dude? Are you a masochist or somethin'? Those computer-controlled carburetors sucked ass so fucking bad... and every single one of the damned things has to be bushed, 'cause they leak vacuum around the throttle shaft. And then there's the shitty-ass water pumps GM used in those early 80's cars that spend more time leaking than pumping... the shock towers that rust out and next thing you know you got a new dent in your hood from the *BOTTOM* 'cause you hit a bump and the top of the shock just flew right out the top of the shock tower... the fuel pumps that spend more time pumping your fuel out onto the ground than into your carburetor... the Magic Exploding Oil Pressure Sensors that decide to let go and catch your ride on fire... the fact that the engine is so choked by smog controls that it gets 5mpg and makes about 5 horsepower... dude. Yeah, I owned a few of'em back in the day. Early 80's GM. Terrible, terrible cars. Bad news. Just sayin'.

    - Badtux the Wrenchin' Penguin

  9. Take it from me, bro. Learn to sleep with one eye open. Heh ...

  10. Hi Busted,

    I gotta side with Mrs. B on this one. You did good marrying this most reasonable woman, now listen to her.


  11. Ok, I have read your words of wisdom with respect and an open mind, first of all, Bad Tux, there are no smog controls except catalytic converters.
    The carb is an aftermarket Edelbrock so that issue is moot also.

    The wiring just needs to be tidied up and put back where it came from.
    It may need a new trans pan gasket but it starts right up, runs good and rides good.
    It doesn't have struts, still the old double wish bone front end.

    Yes, it doesn't get 40 miles to the gallon but instead of 1500 miles a month I will be driving 200, about six less tanks of gas a month.

    The Ford also has two back tires that are as bald of the top of my head, an alternator that screams like a Banshee and the above mentioned tune up issue.
    I would be looking at dumping five hundred bucks into it and INMO opinion, it isn't worth it.

    Oh yeah, add another Hundred and fifty because the windshield has multiple cracks, some going all the way across.
    Add that up and I would be laying out what he wants for the Chevy out right.

    On the other front, yes, I do know how to pick 'em, actually, she picked me and let me say in no uncertain terms that I love Mrs. Busted with all my heart!

    She is an awesome woman.

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  13. Well crap, I just lost the moral high ground when it comes to lecturing folks about buying the practical vehicle rather than the lust vehicle. See my own blog for why. Siiiiiigh!

  14. Mrs. Ornery Bastard7:16 PM

    Alright how about this, it sucked to think about having to insure the black ford when we are only going to be using it as a bad weather vehicle but, if you are going to be driving a gas hog anyway, then just drive that. You said you were going to drive that one to work anyway. That way it will make it worth it to insure. And the money we save not having to insure another vehicle can go on the extra gas it's gonna cost. You can keep the sprite and I'll even insure that. They can be your toys and you and Bobby can work on them and play with them together. Please reconsider getting this fuckin el camino. I'm givin a little here, work with me. Please?

  15. Mrs. ORNERY BASTARD8:20 PM

    I'm sorry I hung up on you but I had to because I can't talk to you right now or I will say something I'm gonna regret. I tried to compromise but apparantly my pig headed husband is not willing to. I thought he was but I guess I was wrong. So my darling husband you call me when you are.

  16. Wow! This is LOTS better than Facebook! ;-)

  17. I think it was Will Rogers who said, "There are two theories of how to win an argument with a woman. Neither of them work."

  18. I'm glad to see that marriage hasn't made you too soft. Having said that, I'm sure I'd take her side because of course she's right!

  19. My brother is 6'4" tall and around 200 pounds. His wife is 5' tall and around 95 pounds.

    My brother says the secret to being a married man is two words: "Yes dear." And he uses them regularly when his wife bitches at him about something or another. Because she might weigh 95 pounds wet, but that doesn't mean she can't make his life a living hell if he decides to go contrary to her wishes.

    That is all :).

    - Badtux the Happily Unmarried Penguin

  20. Hey 'Knucks .... have you taken her for a 'Ride' in the El Camino yet? I mean a REAL ride ...winders down, sun roof open, hair a'flyin' in all directions, screamin downa road! Wimmins LOVE that shit! She'll be buyin' yer gas for ya 'fore long!

  21. It's a done deal.
    She wins. I called my buddy and told him to sell it to someone else.
    He is unhappy, I am unhappy but I am not going to go all Death Match over a fucking car.

    I will pick my battles.

    Of course now The Beast won't start....

  22. Hey Gord, the last word you say to a woman in an argument is when you have lost, the next word starts a new argument.
    Repeat as necessary.