Helicopter Ben Must Be Shitting His Pants

It's one thing to just try and print money out of yer ass trying to save your banker buddies asses and keep the dollar afloat, it's another thing when the printing presses fuck up.
1.1 BILLION dollars of new hundred dollar bills are slated to be destroyed because of a printing press error.
The new bills are very complicated to prevent counterfeiting.

Don't ya just hate it when your get away car stalls?
No wonder his lip was trembling at his interview with 60 minutes the other day.

I watched a documentary one time one what it takes to print money, it is a HUGE undertaking.
There ain't no Xerox involved.

The only, and I mean only, good thing about this is that they can re use the materials that make up the physical cloth/paper that they use to make them with. They will dump them back in a pot of boiling water and chemicals to get rid of the ink and turn it back into the raw material they use to make paper money with and start over again.

Somebody's ass is going to be in a sling in the mean time for this monumental fuck up.

Now Here Is An Idea

We could fill all those FEMA camps tomorrow.

North Korea is a fucking hell hole already but this is just fucking ridiculous.

Apparently they missed the memo that television is the opiate of the masses.

It's not bad enough those people are half fucking starved all the time.

Arresting people and throwing them in jail for watching a movie?
I could see it if they were caught watching Gigli.

And here you thought the Muslims were repressive.

"The prison official said it was the first time the number of people jailed solely for watching the South's TV dramas has gone over 1,000 ... now the prison is overcrowded with such prisoners," the group said.
The group, citing another source in the North, said Pyongyang created a special police unit in January to crack down on those with "rotten spirit."

Fred Phelps must have a raging hard on.

It's Back

Blowing like a motherfucker again.
What the Fuck?  See that blue shit slamming into Washington state? That be me.

I got a glimpse of the weather pattern and it it is the classic, come from Wassilla by way of the Gulf of Alaska, do the counter clock wise twist and slam into the southern coast of Oregon and whistle your way up every ones ass past the Oregon coast and into the Willamette valley and straight up my fucking ass and past me to towards Seattle again. the classic cold weather storm in the Pacific North West.

 A Counter Clock Wise nasty fucking  cold front from Alaska that slams into the Oregon coast, where I grew up and back North again .
Oh hell yeah, we have the wind gusts again and it is going to get fucking cold again.

It ain't even winter yet and I am already freezing my as off.

Here KittyKitty.

So far,no precipitation. It is still nasty fucking shit.

So far, I have several blankets on me but I am fixing to ratchet the fucking heaters on in a second.

Cold can be subjective. Folks in Canada can either be huddled up inside or walking around in shorts, seriouisly,,
Folks in Florida can be laying around in skimpy bathing suits and ordering fruity cocktails.

Me? I am bundled up up in multiple blankets and still freezing my ass off because I am a skinny sonofabitch and it just got cold in here

Cold. The temperature has dropped twenty fucking degrees in the last two hours.

I don't give a shit what the weather man says, there is thing called Micro Climate.




I don't give a shit what the electric bill is going to be, I am turning the knob on the space heater

It Finally Let Up

Holy shit has the wind been blowing around here.
Four days straight, it has just been howling! Cold sumbitch too, my heater is crying it's eyes out trying to keep up.
Last night was really bad, I am afraid to look outside right yet. There was stuff crashing and banging all night long and this thirty five foot long Fifth Wheel was rocking and shaking like an empty cattle car on a stretch of particularly nasty track.
It finally died down some and then it started pouring.

As of this minute, all is quiet.It's probably just taking a breather getting ready for another big blow.

Quote Of The Day

Courtesy of my Blog buddy, Lisa Golden over at That's Why;

"I like to use my razor to create political statements in my pubes".

I read that right when I was taking a big slug of my cheap beer and damn near choked to death.

Damn, that woman has a sense of humor. The quote is a link to her post, funny? Oh HELL yes!

The last line is too good to miss.

If you don't have her bookmarked and follow her travails and documentary of her life, you are seriously missing some funny shit.

This lady has a very unique perspective and I highly recommend the time it takes to read what she has to say.

She is one of my favorite people on the net and that is saying something.

Smooch baby. I know she swings by here too.
I told ya, she has taste.
Just make sure you keep any and all liquids away from your keyboard, trust me on this......

You Want Dancing With The Stars?

Holy shit, not only is it Zappadan, this will blow your mind.

Remember Bristol?
Watch this.

Nice find Tengrain .

That was fucking awesome.

How in the fuck is anyone supposed to top that and it is only the first day of Zappadan?


Shock and Awe, bitches.

Nice opening salvo dude.

Tomorrow

 Thanks fer stopping by.

Fuck me runnin', 200.000 hits.

Y'all are some crazy sonsabitches, you do know that, right?

There must be something wrong with ya for stopping by to see what a mad man has to say.

Kinda like a train wreck kind of thing I guess.

Either way, I am going to slam another shot of cheap assed whiskey and wish you all well.

Here's to ya, yer my kind of people.

Good Night for Now

For some damn reason, I finally had the writers block run away, there are several posts down yonder that I banged out so don't be bashful.

Gare On Fucking Teed to piss some one off in there somewhere.

See ya's later.

Don't forget the deal on the chicken.  Sometimes I do good.

He Didn't Say, Im Going To Disneyland!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Go read it while I sit back and scratch myself inappropriately in the privacy of my own piece of heaven in a White Trash Trailer Park.

Fucking bastards.

I Hope They Made More Money Than I Did

If this is any indication how competent our government is, we are SO FUCKED.
No wonder the Repubs want to get their hands on our Social security, it would be too fucking easy. Billions of dollars that we now don't know who gets what, if we even live that long, but you are more concerned with what porno sites I am looking at?

Jesus fucking christ, what a bunch of fucking DUMB ASSED, STUPID SONSABITCHES!

Yeah baby, Bookmark this site I was just at, look at those cans!

Ohh baby, want to get on an air plane? Hold still or we will put you on a No Fly List as a Domestic terrorist.

Bring me that little boy.

You, with the big breasts, you need to come over here for some special lovin', I mean, "enhanced  body  security search", or what we used to call, give you a couple of bucks over a beer while you gyrated around a brass pole on a Saturday night, except there was this big dude in the corner who would wrench your shoulder out of it's socket as he threw your ass out on the curb if you dared to touch that lady.

Now they molest little kids in the name of "Security"

Keep your Social "Security" Number straight? You ARE, a Domestic terrorist for even suggesting we don't have our shit together.

I always marveled that my brother and I finally had to get a Social Security card at the same time. I believe I was twelve and he was nine.
 When we finally got them, back in the early seventies, his number was way the hell different than mine.
To this day, after all these years, I still have my original card.
Too bad, they won't accept it.

They wouldn't let you encase it in plastic then.

 I have lost my wallet a couple of times since then but I got lucky and got it back.

You can't read the top, bottom or sides. What used to be a rectangular card is now pretty much an oval.

You can still see most of my name and the number is still right there in the middle but I can bet they would not accept it any more.

I could be a Domestic Terrorist with a thirty eight year old Social Security card, still in my possession, from all those years ago.

Have a nice fucking day, bitches.

I don't need a fucking Birth Certificate, I have that. Not that I don't have a birth certificate, I could come up with that too.
I still have a wallet sized copy of my High School diploma, so does my GF., hers, not mine.

They were a popular way to dig ya for a few bucks more way back when.

Little did they know, we still have them.

I did lose my Class ring on a construction job thirty years ago and I ain't getting another one, who the fuck cares at this point?


So, we now have twenty million people in this country who have the same fucking Social Security numbers.  One in seven. They are worried about WIKI LEAKS?

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

 Get yer fucking heads out of yer fucking asses and use all those god damn email and cell phone records you have been keeping, along with those Super Computers you keep bragging about and figure this shit out!

For fucks sake! I have better odds at hitting the mother fucking lottery!

It is readily apparent that our valued Federal employees have had no way to double check the paper work they have been submitting for the last forty fucking years.

Sign the papers and we will send you this cute little card you can call all your own.

I still have mine, I think I need to go see who else still has theirs. This could take a while.

All I can hope is that that yearly statement I get from SS hasn't been taking into account all my new found friends.

A Heads Up For Those In The PNW, Cluck, Cluck

I just stopped at SafeWay to get a couple of items on my way home and they currently have whole roasted chickens in the cute little carrying case for$5.99.
You can't even hardly get a raw chicken for that.
Someone else pointed out that they have Mild Tillamook cheese, two pounds for a little over five bucks.
I had to go find some lady to find it for me, SafeWay is a giant cluster fuck if you don't know where every thing is.

I finally found the powdered milk, stay the hell away from that, it is outrageous.

The beer went out the roof too. What was thirteen ninety nine two years ago is now twenty three ninety nine for a thirty pack.

Any way, if ya are around one of these places, get the roasted chicken, you can't even make one yourself that cheap.
That will be enough for me to eat on for several days, if I quit drinking the beer.

Not likely to happen but I had chicken legs that were still hot for dinner and stuck the rest in the fridge.

Hot chicken sandwiches with melted cheese tomorrow.
I am thinking chicken and rice too.
Win, win.

Stacking The Deck Against Us

Why this even begins to surprise me, I have no idea.

With all the problems that this country is currently facing, from two never ending wars, millions of people who have exhausted two years of unemployment, Congressional bickering over giving the richest 1% OF THE PEOPLE EVEN MORE MONEY, a lame duck Congress with three weeks to at least TRY and solve these problems, we have our good friend, Harry Reid, taking care of his real constituents.

     Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has asked his staff to work on a bill that would legalize online poker. 

You got to be fucking kidding me.

Staffers for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid are circulating a bill to legalize poker playing on the Internet that's backed by large casino interests.
The Nevada casino companies pushing the measure were among the Democrat's biggest donors during his fierce re-election fight. They argue the bill would provide consumer protection for poker players and would provide some tax revenue for federal and state governments.
On Wednesday, three Republican lawmakers sent a letter to Mr. Reid and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R., Ky.) opposing any efforts to pass Internet poker legislation during the lame-duck session.

Wait, it gets even better,

According to the draft of the bill reviewed by The Wall Street Journal, Mr. Reid's office is considering language that would allow only existing casinos, horse tracks and slot-machine makers to operate online poker websites for the first two years after the bill passes, which could limit the ability of other companies to enter the market.

The bill would also outsource oversight to state regulators, another move supported by existing casinos that don't want to see the federal government become overly involved in regulating their industry.

Ill give ya two guesses who these priveleged few would be.

Times up.
And I quote,

"Be assured that the casinos went all in for Reid."

That would be for his recent election against that loony tunes crazy woman Sharon Anglle.

So, to recap, Reid is pretty much telling us all to go fuck ourselves while he has his staff spending precious time drafting legislation to legalize On line Poker, to pay his casino buddies back for helping him retain office.

That's Democracy in action, ain't it?
The people first and all that horseshit Rah Rah crap.
What an asshole.

Jesus motherfucking christ, do I hate politicians, especially this wimpy cock sucker.

Fuck, Pelosi has bigger balls than this sycophantic, money grubbing, whore.

If he thinks for one fucking second that the Repubs are going to go along with this blatent bit of nut licking, he had better think again.
Personally, I think he should be using his and his staffers time a little more productively
LIKE FIXING OUR IMMEDIATE FUCKING PROBLEMS!

Been Lazy

My GF was here for the last few days so I have been kind of fucking off when it comes to Blogging.
I would like to thank all the folks who finally came out of the woodwork and left a comment on the last post.

I will find something to bitch about a bit later. I have been kind of keeping one eye on the political Kabuki, don't ask me why. That bunch of ignorant, stubborn bastards are going to be the death of this country.

Who The Hell ARE You People?

I was just laying here on my ass. waiting for the GF to get finished primping so we can go get some breakfast when I noticed my Stat Counter is over a hundred and ninety seven fucking thousand hits.

That absolutely blows my fucking mind.

Seriously.

Who are you? Why do you waste your precious time in life stropping by this piss poor excuse for a Blog?

Don't be shy, if you are one of those folks who drops by occasionally but never leaves a fucking comment, why?

I want to hear from you, leave some goddamn feedback, even if I don't say howdy right back, I will damn sure read what you have to say.

Don't like the cussing?
LOL, get used to it. Something else on your mind?
Speak the fuck up.

If there are a hundred and ninety thousand some people that have stopped by here in the last five years and you are one of 'em, Thanks.  It baffles me why, but Thanks.

Now I have some scrambled eggs calling my name.

Don't Call Me Shirley

Here I am, once again, unable to sleep.

I was cruising around the web when I found this piece about the recently departed leslie Nielson, who knew the guy was a Canadian? Go watch the clips, I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.

Funny motherfucker, that guy.

They missed my favorite line so I just had to go find it.





Such a classic. Like the guy said, rest easy, you magnificent bastard.

You Know You Have A Cat When.....

Ya wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom* and come back to realize there is an error message flashing on the monitor,
"Windows Mail Is Unable To Establish Contact As There Is Another Program Running Already"."

Half asleep, what do you do? "X" out of the fucker, again and again and again and again and again, until you look down at the bottom of the screen and see there are 375! motherfucking programs running at the same damn time!!

Little bitch has been sleeping on the keyboard again.

Can you say reboot?

Fucking cats.


* Yeah, go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, half asleep when your foot hits a soaking wet carpet.

While I was gone, I had my dad shut the water off because of the freezing weather, I didn't want something to burst while I was gone.

There were a few guy's here at the time and someone was nice enough to turn on a faucet to make sure there was no pressure left in the system.

After I got home and turned on the heat, I was bull shitting with a couple of neighbors outside and turned the water back on. We stood there and shot the shit in the cold for a minute or two before I said we need to go inside where it is warm.

That's when I heard a faucet blasting away at full pressure. I tracked it down, it was the bathroom faucet, with the plug in the sink.
There was an inch of fucking of water on the floor, pouring out into the kitchen off the step and of course, the sink was quite full.

I shut the faucet off and used every single towel I could to soak up the water.

So, of course, when I wake up in the middle of the night to take a piss, what do think happened? I stepped on a soaking assed , cold,wet carpet.

Yay.


Out goes the cat and now I have a space heater in front of the toilet, trying to dry the fucking carpet out.

That should only take three months.
It's great to be home again.

On the bright side, I don't need to shampoo that carpet I guess.

Oy, I'm going back to bed.


While I am still up, I would like to take a moment to thank a sweet lady that hit my donate button while I was gone. You know who you are and SMOOCH!,

What a sweetie.

Escaping The Velvet Chains

As much as it pains me, I have to go.

Nasty Girl is currently distracted and I have to load up the little hoopty and beat feet.

It is currently sunny and clear outside so I am going to haul ass before the weather turns to shit again, not that I actually, really, want to go. I gotta take care of my shit at home but this has been one hell of a week.

Damn, this girl takes good care of my sorry ass!

I try to return the favor.  Her neighbor was in town yesterday when I couldn't even get out of the fucking driveway and was nice enough to stop at the likker store for me so when I  started making fresh, home made  English muffins with the left over sharp cheddar cheese, a nicely fried egg and some of that delicious spiral cut ham we still had left, I made enough to go around both house holds. Damn good, if I have to say so myself. Y'all know what they call 'em. I made one extra and a ham and cheese sandwich for the road. I'll stop at Mickey D's after I hit the road and get a cup of coffee to wash them down with. That's a shout out to my pal  down Texas way, Coffee with the Hermit, Jim.
One hell of a nice guy.
He always has a pot on.

Any way, I needs to get my poop in one pile and throw it in the truck.

 Loves ya Nasty Girl, I know damn good and well you will read this after I hit the road.

Catch yer breath and wish me luck.

Thanks fer stopping by, I gotta split while the getting is good.

A special shout out to my buddy Steve and a neighbor or two, plus my folks for taking care of my shit while I was a willing prisoner here.

Another special thanks to my brother Kevin.

You all know who ya are.

Thank You.

To the rest of ya's
 get the FUCK outta my way.

\

I'm going home.

Snowbound

I have been over here at my GF's for a week today. I came up last week when this fucking weather hit and can't get out of here. All I have here is a two wheel drive truck with no studs.

It snowed, then the freezing rain hit and it is snowing again.

I can get to the little convenience mart about six blocks away just fine, it's that Damn Columbia River Gorge that I can't get through She lives at one end and I live at the other.

Once that bitch freezes, it's studs or cable chains. They end up closing the highways on both sides of the river when it gets bad. It can take days after a cold spell to flush all the cold air out of it. 75 miles long.

I't's "supposed" to be clear tomorrow. We shall see. I have been having to call my buddy Steve to keep an eye on my place. None of my fucking neighbors have a damn phone..  It looks like I am going to have to put tags on The Beast because it at least has four wheel drive.

A set of chains for that fucker are around a hundred bucks but it is fairly dependable. I keep forgetting the speedometer doesn't work though.

If all else fails and I can get the seven miles across the bridge to town, I can use her tire store account and have them throw a couple of studded tires on the back of my little hoopty. I hate to do that.
Fuck me, I hate Winter and it's not even Winter yet!

Anyways have some of this that was going through my evil little mind this cold assed morning.

Hey, Asshole, It's On.

Why one , single , person, listens to that fucking inflammitory dirt bag Rush Limbaugh has always mystified me but this is waaaay over the top.

"If the Christmas shopping season can start before Thanksgiving, so can "bah humbug" season."




Rush Limbaugh tried to rain on Barack Obama's Thanksgiving Day parade, lashing out against a proclamation issued by the president to honor the national holiday and the story behind it.



He also went on the war path against Native Americans, calling for a look at the "scoreboard" of number of people killed since European settlers arrived, and insisting that "a bunch of Native Americans scammed us" in the deal to purchase Manhattan.

You piece of fucking shit.

Even lower than that, you are a fucking maelovent virus.

Suck my ass you fucking cunt lipped rotten dirty little boy fucking asshole.

Seriously, if you like sucking dick, make an appointment.

Let me start out with Small Pox infected blankets that killed hundreds of thousands of Native Americans.

Then go right down through the actual history of how we Americans treated them.

Better yet, how we still treat them.

Fuck you.

Your stupid assed ignorant racist blow hole just opened a Can Of Whoop Ass that is going to come back and bite you right on that cyst scar on your ass that you used to get out of serving in the military.

You have no fucking idea what your Alligator mouth just did to your Humming bird ass.

Fuck you and die in the back of your Limo , better yet, die slowly choking on an illegal hard on pill, that was stuck up your ass first.

Double fuck you on behalf of my ancestors.

It's a good thing you are as bald as I am motherfucker.

I don't have a couple of million fucking morons stopping by here every day but I can bet each and every one  of the folks who do stop by here, every damn of them, has an IQ equal to half your audience by themselves, otherwise I would tell them to hit the fucking bricks.

I actually appreciate the folks that swing by here on occasion and would not hesitate to run over your fucking morons in a parking lot while they scrambled to go buy one of your items at the clearance table at Wally World.

That ignorant shit is so fucking over the top I really can't equate it with all the other racist fucking shit that I have been hearing because this one is a fucking naked statement.

At first they came for the Negroes, then the Irish, then the Chinese,The Polish, the Italians then the Mexicans and now all you have left is the Arabs, Muslims, Turks, (who are our allies) , Iranians, Russians, Palestinians,  A bunch of South Americans, of course , the Cubans, maybe even your mother fucking neighbors.

Fuck, I almost forgot the North Koreans. Busy little war mongering mother fuckers, ain't ya?

Asshole, you are running out of enemies.

But no, Let's go back to Manhatten. You are so fucking ignorant I want to throw up my dinner.

Damn, the French are all pussies, Spaniards talk funny, let's not even mention Portugal.

 Britrain, Ireland, Portugal, France, Germany and all of the Europene states are all getting ready to go belly up because of the theiving sonsabitches here on Wall Street, who are going to haul in record bonuses while the rest of us can suck hind tit, China, Russia, are dumping the dollars they bought to keep our econonomy afloat in their self interest and the last I heard, the unemployment rate is still 20 fucking percenet and Big Biusiness is sitting on 185  TRILLION dollars of cash fucking money they won't get off of to hire one fucking janitor.

I bet ya kinda like those Greeks, I'll just let that alone, bitch.( See the Turks above)

For Rush Limbaugh to go all revisionist on what actually happened in the founding days of this country is so far from what is actually happening in our current world is enough for me to go all College Girl from London on his ass.

That this is some imaginary horse shit revisionist out right lie, about what happened here when the Ignorant savage was fucked out of his entire economic and  geographic area by some fucking shysters that came around and couldn't even feed themselves and I am supposed to call Glenn Beck to order some fucking Gold pieces because, hey, it's all related?

The Native Indians were here thousands of years before you Snake Oil cocksuckers showed up and started killing them for sport.

Happy Thanksgiving, you putrid water bearing slug trail of a dying fucking revisionist, genocidal , race war and an economical war mongering bunch of priveledged intellecticall midgets.

Like I saw recently, another forty years and you are going to be saying hello to all the fucking species that your omniscient fucking ancestors roasted over an open fire. Shot, killed, drowned, passed numerous laws against, separated mother, fathers and their children from while letting the exploiting fucking buddies of yours who employed them to get off Scott Free.  Kill the Brown people!. I can only hope we have chili powder this time.

Think you are going to just run off and hide, so did the Dodo.

The Indians could be vacationing in Morrocco with some fat little bald headed bastard serving them drinks.

Fuck you Limbaugh.