Monday, May 16, 2011

Leave Us The Account Numbers

Because, ya know, ya can't take it with ya.
According to some, who need that special recipe for Kool aid that Jim Jones left behind, next Saturday is the Rapture.
For those non Christians, it is the day that Only God knows when, he will take into Heaven, his chosen few.
Something like a hundred and forty four thousand believers.
That leaves out  a few million Newt Gingrich's and sinners like me..
According to my very fucked up memory of the doings of the Catholic church, you can be forgiven for every mortal sin ever described by either going to confession or getting your last rights given to you you by a priest just before you die. They also aren't shy about twisting your arm for a few bucks.

Seeings how I wasn't Baptized until I was a ten year old, I am holding out for the last minute. I know damn good and well I am going to be broke anyway.
Twenty thousand Hail Mary's, really? I have been a very naughty boy. I haven't been to Confession in over forty years, something about the separation between church and state, I plead the fifth.
 Just fer shits and grins, I was actually an Altar Boy in a Catholic school/church, in the third and fourth grade.
You have heard stories about Catholic Girls, they were mostly chaste, except the ones who weren't. God love ya, ya little honies, it made it worth going to school. I fondly remember getting caught with another guy and six, almost chaste, little girls under the stage in the gym.
The beatings commenced for me and that guy, the girls had their own nightmares to deal with, those Nuns were some mean sonsabitches.

Any way, I hear such that we are about to be entertained by Newt Gingrich and his run for the Presidency. 

I hear he converted to Catholicism.
If there is even one of those Nuns still alive where I went to school at, I am going to do a fund drive to send her to find him and I will hand carve a stick for her to beat him with.

3 comments:

  1. Shame on you. We need to talk!

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  2. I rejected Catholicism because all the motherfuckers wanted from me was money. The fuckers sent envelopes when I hadn't been to church in over a decade. Fuck them and their pedophile priests... In fact, fuck ALL organized religion, because there's nothing but shysters preying on our conscience coming from any of it. I know what's right and wrong, and I don't need some fucking asswipe in a robe or suit to explain it to me...

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  3. All praises to the Nustedbuckle one!!!

    ReplyDelete